KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
