So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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