Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We left the knife in your bed.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
