Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
