can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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