please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
