don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
