I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love having hate sex.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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