Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
