Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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