I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
