I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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