It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
