I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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