Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
is it fun? or sober?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
