ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
high people should be assigned attendants
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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