i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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