Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
