she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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