I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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