thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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