Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
