he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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