She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
