May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
