I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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