I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
