moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
