everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
