Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
