yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
