You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
