Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
