she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
