i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
