I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
