i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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