Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
