I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
