Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
