She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
