Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
