everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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