i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
