Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
