First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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