Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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