I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
