I'm drive I can fine osifer
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
