just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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