She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
