you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
