I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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