I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
