they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
