I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
