i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
