I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
