This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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