Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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