my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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