Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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